It happens every time you go to Walmart. You hear the wail gaining momentum from somewhere back by the toy section. If you must, you venture past on your quest for Twizzlers, and you see it. The kid who’s lost control after mom said “no” to a new Hot Wheels Crash-o-Rama and he decided the best way to change her mind is to throw himself to the ground and scream with wild abandon till he scores a 4.0 on the Richter scale.
Thank goodness that’s never been my kids.
Thank goodness that’s never been my kids.
{Insert sarcasm. If you have kids, own the fact that you’ve been there too.}
Lately, it’s been me having the meltdown. Yesterday was one of those days. God’s been calling me out in the areas that I still don’t want to let go of, in this process of dying to myself and surrendering each tiny piece of me to Him.
It’s not pretty, but here’s how it went down. “Jen, you know that neighborhood you’ve been to a few times last summer…the one that’s always on the news with the shootings, prostitution and drugs? If I ask, will you move there? Will you put your kids in school there and spend the nights when your husband’s working in the hospital alone there to love those people as your neighbor?”
And, just like my kids who try to use good manners, but still escape what they don’t want to do, I wanted to say, “no thank you.”
But here’s the deal…I can’t say no, no thank you, or I’ll think about it.
I want so desperately to be part of what God’s doing.
I long to be a player in His epic plans.
I want to completely belong to this miracle-working Jesus of the Bible.
I want to see the sick healed, the lost know Jesus, the dead raised to life again
…and those things don’t come while I’m holding onto comfort and safety.
So my response is to throw myself to the ground…whining, screaming, kicking, crying…until I’ve moved myself from “no thank you” to “Lord, I choose you…make me willing to do whatever you ask.”
I don’t know where God wants me to live. What I do know is that He’s pouring through my problem areas and working to make me willing to let go of anything I’m keeping from Him.
And, just like that, one more piece of me dies. I pray and hope that I’m getting inches closer to living dead. I pray that, as we sacrifice during this fast, our church as a whole creeps closer and closer to reckless abandon for Jesus Christ.
As we die to ourselves and live for Jesus my insides scream with excitement at what Jesus will do through the people of Christ’s Place, in our city and in the world. It’s going to get crazy, my friends, and I CANNOT WAIT.
Lately, it’s been me having the meltdown. Yesterday was one of those days. God’s been calling me out in the areas that I still don’t want to let go of, in this process of dying to myself and surrendering each tiny piece of me to Him.
It’s not pretty, but here’s how it went down. “Jen, you know that neighborhood you’ve been to a few times last summer…the one that’s always on the news with the shootings, prostitution and drugs? If I ask, will you move there? Will you put your kids in school there and spend the nights when your husband’s working in the hospital alone there to love those people as your neighbor?”
And, just like my kids who try to use good manners, but still escape what they don’t want to do, I wanted to say, “no thank you.”
But here’s the deal…I can’t say no, no thank you, or I’ll think about it.
I want so desperately to be part of what God’s doing.
I long to be a player in His epic plans.
I want to completely belong to this miracle-working Jesus of the Bible.
I want to see the sick healed, the lost know Jesus, the dead raised to life again
…and those things don’t come while I’m holding onto comfort and safety.
So my response is to throw myself to the ground…whining, screaming, kicking, crying…until I’ve moved myself from “no thank you” to “Lord, I choose you…make me willing to do whatever you ask.”
I don’t know where God wants me to live. What I do know is that He’s pouring through my problem areas and working to make me willing to let go of anything I’m keeping from Him.
And, just like that, one more piece of me dies. I pray and hope that I’m getting inches closer to living dead. I pray that, as we sacrifice during this fast, our church as a whole creeps closer and closer to reckless abandon for Jesus Christ.
As we die to ourselves and live for Jesus my insides scream with excitement at what Jesus will do through the people of Christ’s Place, in our city and in the world. It’s going to get crazy, my friends, and I CANNOT WAIT.
- Jen Riddle
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